im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Please don't give away my fajitas
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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