She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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