i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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