he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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