is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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