listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
