Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
