I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
