i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
