So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
