If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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