I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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