my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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