So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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