It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
