I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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