I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
