she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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