We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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