The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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