Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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