my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Terrible idea I love it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
