no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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