it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
