you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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