I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
