Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
