im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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