i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
