My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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