12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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