So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
