I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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