BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
