the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
