I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
