So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
