making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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