they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
