so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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