remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
