I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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