two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
