I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
