guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
