if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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