the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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