just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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