i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
