My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
