And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
