so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
