Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
