You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
