Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
