Kiss
Puke
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
