Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
