i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
